Keeping up with the Joneses

Keeping up with the Joneses 

I've become a better person recently, I've learned to take things in my stride, not lose my shit every time Riley has a tantrum or both kids are crying at the same time pulling me in every direction. I hold my breath and count to 10 when my husband can't seem to ever find anything I send him to get even though it's exactly where I told him it would be. I've learned to take my mother in law with a pinch of salt and just agree with everything she says and then let it go, not blow a fuse later that evening with smoke coming out my ears just because she told me I need to go to more baby groups or that I should try Riley with vegetables again. I tried him with vegetables yesterday bitch now back the f**k off. 

People have asked me "Is it much harder now you have two kids?" and I would answer "no" because I really don't find it harder. My answer would surprise myself as well as the person that asked, who I'm sure would think I was lying. 

So I had to think about why I don't find it harder and the truth is when I had my first child I was trying so hard to do and have everything perfect, the way I thought I had to in the eyes of society, worrying about what others thought and trying to keep up. 

Working hard to get back to a size 8 straight after giving birth, having my child in a perfect routine, eating vegetables like they're chocolate bars, not letting him watch too much cartoons, reading 50 books a day, teaching him a full vocabulary by the time he is 9 months old..you get the picture and the picture is not realistic.

The weeks following birth are a whirlwind of emotions, especially with your first. You find yourself questioning everything. 'Am I doing it right? why is he crying? do you think he wants to feed again? do you think he's too hot? Oh look, his shit has changed colour again.. Let me just check another baby forum online for the 15000th time today.' 

People tell you to make sure to sleep when the baby sleeps, I never did this. I would try get things done around the house, sort out his clothes, have a coffee or a hot meal for once, all while standing on my tip toes in fear of waking the dragon.

You dream of the night they will sleep all the way through and then when that finally happens, you're up every hour to check if they're still breathing. Then you wake your other half to show him the baby sleeping with his hand placed gently under his face because its the cutest thing you have ever seen.. It's the middle of the night, HE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT!!

That is how it started for me, then my husband went back to work after paternity leave and I was alone with this baby, this new status for my existence. What do I do with it. I have to be the perfect mom. I have to show the world I'm capable, I've got this. 

So this is how my day will plan out..

Once I've sorted out the baby with his morning feed and dress him up in a cute little outfit, I have a gruelling hour long workout, I shower and get myself dressed in a lovely summer dress that complements my beautifully slim toned body that just bounced back after giving birth, make up on and hair looking like I just left the hairdressers ready to take on the world. Leave my spotlessly clean house, all the laundry done and dinner in the slow cooker ready for the evening, everything i need in the diaper bag all neatly packed and off I go to baby group, coffee with friends, food shopping, soft play and maybe a walk in the park.

That's how it works right? The sun is always shining, the birds are always singing, I'm going to be full of energy all the time and never end a day without everything ticked off the list I made that morning. 

Well I soon found out that the movies I had been watching are full of shit..this is not real life, not in my world anyway.

Since I've had my second child I learned to stop the madness because what I was trying to achieve as a parent was not perfection. Not for my family and not for me because I wasn't happy doing it. It was exhausting and to be honest it was getting us nowhere. Now we take each day as it comes, I'm not a size 8 but I'm happy, we read books but for fun and sometimes we will have cartoons on all day because that's just the way it works out and there's nothing wrong with that. We're happy and healthy and that's all that matters. And this is why I believe life is easier now, no matter how many children I have, It all depends on the mind frame you have set yourself. 

If we want to go to the park we will go to the park, I don't need make up on, I don't need to wear a nice outfit. It's the park and Riley will want me to play and run and crawl around like an animal with him so I throw my hair up, stick on something comfortable and spend my time playing with my son and caring only about what he thinks of me, which is probably that I'm the best fun ever nowadays. I don't constantly clean up toys all day after Riley pulls them all out because as soon as I've tidied them away he will pull them out again. 

My son will probably push another child at soft play, he wont always wait his turn to go down the slide, he will probably scream the place down because he wants crisps, not a sandwich. 

But every experience is a new one for a 2 year old, they are learning every day and trying to control a million emotions and sometimes they just don't want to play by the rules. 

I think this also goes for us parents so I don't think we should be too hard on ourselves because if you're anything like me, motherhood is not all you expected it to be. It's bloody hard, some days it's a living nightmare so I think we should give ourselves a pat on the back, or buy ourselves a box of chocolates or a bottle of wine.. better still do all 3 because we are doing a great job and we deserve it.